


In this moment now, capture it, remember it.

by OhHeyKarnstein



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Laura's POV, POV First Person, SO FLUFFY, Slow Burn (ish), carmilla is a photographer, laura's an intern with a massive crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 03:22:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8828479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhHeyKarnstein/pseuds/OhHeyKarnstein
Summary: Laura is a nervous intern for a media company (SILAS) and Carm is a freelance photographer. Our favourite gays are both ambitious nerds who are passionate and focused on kick-starting their careers.Then, romantic shit happens.(This is my first attempt to write fanfic! Gaahh here we go.)





	1. First Impressions

I look up at the imposing, grey building across the road.  I take a deep breath and pull at my backpack straps.

_Wait, should I have used a handbag? Oh crap, are backpacks even "professional"?_

After clearing my head and reminding myself of Dad's motivational one-liners. I head over to the entrance and through to the foyer. 

_Girl the hell up, Hollis. They want you to showcase your work ethics, not your keen fashion sense._

 

The high ceiling and shiny marble floor are a little intimidating and the television screens that line the walls, add noise. People in cardigans and impressive jackets mill around with coffee and briefcases, all busy squeezing into elevators. The receptionist sits behind his desk looking bored as hell even though it’s actually only 9:30am.

I reread the email on my phone, looking for the floor I'm supposed to be on by 10:00am. I like being at least fifteen minutes early to everything so I briskly walk towards the general direction of the elevators.

 According to the email, I need to meet and report to my supervisor on level ten, but I’ll be working on a desk on level thirteen.

_Wow. That is a lot of moving around and this building is huge, I'll definitely need hot cocoa again, STAT._

I look up a second too late because I’m suddenly pushed backwards. Out of instinct, I grip the front of the black denim jacket pressed against me as my back hits the floor. A pale arm pushes against the floor next to my head, propping up the stranger who is now on top of me.  

Just before I think of hurriedly getting back up on my feet, I notice the dark, curly hair—which, _holy hufflepuff,_ smells really, really nice by the way— and the steady arm around my waist. 

So, that fall could have hurt a lot more if this stranger didn’t catch me. I’m eyeing the leather cuff on this person’s wrist as I start rambling out apologies.

Until.

Uncharacteristically.

I stop rambling.

This is because I'm caught off-guard by the most striking, deep-brown eyes, squinting in annoyance at me. I stare a few seconds too long, apparently having lost the ability to form words anymore. That fall must have done a lot more damage than I initially suspected.

With a perfect brow raised and a voice that does nothing to calm down my now erratic heart rate, "Are you okay there? You came out of nowhere." She looks down at her chest, where my right hand still clutches onto her jacket. I immediately let go and step back. Which is a terrible idea, because now I can see that she’s wearing unbelievably tight leather pants which she effortlessly wears so well.

_Too well._

The sounds of an elevator opening, snaps me out of my reverie. “Yeah, again, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…um…do that. Thank you though. For catching me. You’re like really strong–I mean y’know your reflexes are unreal.”

There was a sentence I wanted to say, but what I just blurted out was definitely not it. My face is warming up and I already know I’m turning pink.

Miss Looks-too-good-in-black, fixes her jacket and continues to squint at me. Now with less annoyance, but with more curiosity. This lasts for less than three seconds and she’s back to frowning at me again.

“Yeah…well, some people here have a lot of stuff to do. Just watch where you’re going.” She grumbles before picking up her satchel from the floor and hurrying into a closing elevator.

_Okay, so, who the hell was that?_

_-_

It's probably a good thing that I'm not just fetching coffee for people, but work is surprisingly fast paced and demanding. I'm downing yet another cup of hot chocolate, my fingers whizzing across my keyboard as I will myself to get through my last hour.

I've actually learned a lot so far, which means I've also made a handful of mistakes. My supervisor, Perry, is nice enough though. She's only a bit older than me but she seems really experienced already.

_It's okay Hollis, you're here to learn. You're an intern. This is where you start._

 

I lean back and stretch in my chair, which is comfortable but after sitting for this long, hunched over my laptop, my back muscles are getting quite sore.

I should hit the gym or maybe just some yoga, if I can actually manage to stay awake when I get home, that is. I mean, I really need to squeeze in a workout because I've been guzzling down an alarming amount of-

Once again, the rude, yet attractive, leather-pants-wearing stranger with the nice-smelling hair, stills my train of thought. She's following my supervisor about three desks down.

 _Just look at her. How can she look so bored while Perry's talking to her?_ Perry has the ability to talk nearly as fast as I do when I elaborate on my Dr Who answers on trivia nights.

I think about how this broody person probably has a higher position than Perry, a position so high that she can be as relaxed as she can with her attire. _I mean, who wears leather pants to work? Those boots? I’m pretty sure she bought that shirt already faded and rumpled._

Her curls are the kind of curls someone wakes up with, after having been dolled up the previous night. It's messy and effortless and rugged and tough and completely gorgeous. Also, that jawline is very distracting. A lot of her is distracting. I freeze when I find myself looking at her straight in the eye.  _Oh no. She's caught me checking her out. No, not checking her out. I was just, um, trying to figure her out, is all. There was no checking of anyone out._

I realise too late that I've been gaping at her. She's still staring back, this time with a ridiculous smirk on her face. I quickly jump out of my seat and head to the refreshments station. To simply look away wouldn’t work because then she'd still be staring at me. I don’t want her to have to witness my cheeks turning into more extreme shades of red.

I was about to whip myself up another cup of hot cocoa but then decided against it.  _Good job, Hollis. This is true restraint._

I head over to the water-cooler and fill up a cup. I down the cup as I head back towards my desk. My throat, however, decides to be a complete jerk because I'm coughing and sputtering water all over myself. Or maybe it's because, I turn around to see Broody Mc'Brood standing, just shy of a step, behind me.

The only plus side to this situation is that I managed to shoot my hand up in time to prevent any spray from landing on her. Also, the fact that my choking on water, makes the perfect excuse for the reddening of my cheeks again.

"You okay there, cupcake?"

I shake my head and avoid making eye-contact with her. All I want is to be back at my desk right now. I always make such a fool of myself when she's around.

Before I can walk away, she shoves a handful of tissues at me. I take some from her hand. Her fingertips felt cool and there was no stopping my mind from wondering how many goosebumps she would leave on me if she ran those fingertips along my arm, across my neck and— _Wow. Hollis. You absolutely cannot have these thoughts about a person you work it. Especially if said person is standing right in front of you._

I clear my throat and thank her.

"Carmilla." She calls out, as I began walking back to my desk.

"Sorry, what?"

"I'm Carmilla. I'm the new photographer, sweetheart."

 


	2. Professionalism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this new chapter earlier but I've been so caught up with my part-time job and all the Christmas shopping! Gaaaah 'tis the season for spending so much money :( Anyway, this chapter is longer than the first, so I hope that compensates!   
> Hope you like it!

My shirt clings to my back, which is covered in sweat as I squat down slowly, gripping the heavy bar on my shoulders. I watch my reflection as I push up against the weights, my thighs burning up. 

I've been opting out for morning workouts recently. It gives me the boost I need for keeping up with Perry and getting through all my emails.

It's the start of my second week at SILAS and is also the last week of November, which means the seasonal content on our website will be released in the upcoming days and the publishing date for the monthly magazine draws closer.  
  
Dad's not too keen about the fact that I'll be busy during Christmas. 

"An internship in December?"  
  
"Dad, SILAS is a prestigious media company. They won't hire just anyone, interns need to show they can handle the holiday rush."  
  
"Honey, it doesn't sound like a very family-friendly company."  
  
"Okay, Dad, I’m sorry I’m being unfair. To make it up to you, though, I promise to stay…” _I’m already regretting this_. “I promise to stay for the entire duration of Camp Hollis and actually participate this time.”

I rolled my eyes but Dad still beamed immediately, the corner of his eyes all crinkly. ‘Camp Hollis’ is an annual family tradition we have, which is basically a winter getaway at my uncle’s ski resort. When Uncle Ray struck gold and expanded his little business into an entire resort, he makes sure to invite the extended family over every New Years, as a way of reassuring everyone he’s still the “same ol’ Uncle Ray”. He hosts games and it’s all a big, exhausting and claustrophobic family get-together.

I was excused last year because of my final year at University. The whole thing actually isn’t too bad and can be pretty fun, but two entire weeks is way too long.

I finish off my workout and put the weights back, grabbing my gear before heading to the showers.

I’ll have to be back at SILAS in two hours. The past week had been manageable. I met and got to know a bunch of great people. There’s LaFontaine, the special effects director and the comic illustrator. There’s Danny, who’s in charge of videography for our channel and the sports section of our online magazine. Kirsch, the sound guy, tried flirting with me once but surprisingly took it really well when I turned him down.

“Oh. That’s okay little, journalist hottie. I mean, we can totes be each other’s wing-person!” Before he tucked his elbows in to mimic a chicken. The wing flapping, the clucking and everything.

We would have our lunch breaks together and thanks to them, I began to really enjoy my internship. They also filled me in a bit about Carmilla. Apparently she’s done some work with SILAS before, but it’s only now that she’s settling.

“Perry told me that she’s done a photo series for NatGeo.” LaFontaine said as their brows shot up, clearly impressed.

“I’m pretty sure she’s covered at least two Victoria Secret Shows.” Danny offered.

So, not only is she dangerously attractive, but she has to be a successful photographer-prodigy too? I haven’t really seen her around, not since our little interaction from the other day, which was cut short by my own awkwardness—I quickly mumbled out my own name and excused myself, before I rushed back to my desk.

_She must be out there somewhere, taking on some project. She has to get back to SILAS soon. I mean, she needs to edit and meet with her team._

I pause that train of thought, while absentmindedly nodding and smiling at some of the familiar gym-goers as I walk past them.

_Wait._

_Why am I counting on seeing her again? She only introduced herself. It’s clear she’s just making friends and connections. Professional connections. It’s probably how she’s so successful so young. There is absolutely no need to hope that I bump into her again. Plus, I still haven’t made up my mind whether I find her rude or friendly._

Right now, she’s a confusing mix of both.

Before starting my shower, I take a deep breath and force myself to not be so deep in thought about a co-worker I barely know.

-

I was trying to tone down the ‘jolly’ in the article I wrote late last night (under the influence of hot cocoa), when I see Perry weaving through desks, rushing to keep in pace with one grumpy photographer.

 _Carmilla_.

I duck down my head and stare at my screen when they pass my desk.

“Oh, but please? At least consider it!” Perry babbles out. “SILAS is proud of your career! Think of it as a challenge. You’ve always showed your personality behind the camera, now it’s time to show some personality in front of it! I think it’s absolutely brilliant! Ms Morgan thinks-

“I don’t understand why Lilita needs this!” _Hold up. Is Carmilla on a first-name basis with the CEO?_

“SILAS’ subscriptions and views this year, top everyone else’s.” Carmilla stresses out.

They stopped walking and are now standing near the refreshments station, not too far from me. They’re now attempting a conversation in hushed voices, but Carmilla’s harsh tone and Perry’s enthusiasm allows their conversation to be heard by anyone within a three-desk-radius.

Carmilla is holding a really expensive-looking camera with one hand, her other hand running through her hair in exasperation. She’s wearing black, ripped jeans and a leather jacket. _She looks so great in leather and she absolutely, one hundred percent, knows it._

Perry takes a deep breath before explaining, “Lilita wants people in her team to become somewhat, public figures. She wants readers to get to know the people making the content they watch and read. It’s going to change things for photographers, writers, editors– so many people can finally get the recognition they deserve!”

“An artist takes pride in their work and that’s it. They don’t give a shit if people like them or not.” Carmilla scathes. _Okay, that could have been put in a much nicer way, but she’s right._

“Okay firstly, you’re already becoming a public figure anyway. Secondly, in today’s economy, any media content producer would want their name and face out there. As pioneers, we’re going to inspire so many people and give them a chance to monetize their work. Think of all the photographers out there struggling to make a living.”

“I don’t think Lilita’s motives are ever that sincere.” Carmilla rolls her eyes.

“Even if I were to consider it, there’s no way I’m modelling by myself.” Carmilla shudders at her words. “What am I supposed to do? Stand in front of a glittery tree?”

“The photo series doesn’t have to be all of you. Your face in a few is enough, as long as the other shots are personalised.” Perry explains.

“It completely throws me off that people think, I,” she gestures to herself, “somehow embody the Christmas spirit.”

Perry pauses and seems to be thinking about it when she catches me staring. I immediately make myself busy with rearranging the sticky notes on my desk.

“Oh, hey Laura!”

_Great going Hollis._

I look up and wince because Perry is waving me over to them. So I smooth out my blazer and walk over to them, making sure I avoid looking at Carmilla, of course.

“Uh. Hey Perry!” _Okay, now try to sound less squeaky._

“Laura this is Carmilla.” Perry tilts her head from side to side. “Carmilla, Laura.”

“I believe we’ve met”, Carmilla smirks at me.

“Great! Well, Laura is one of our most promising interns,” _Okay, maybe this isn’t too bad,_ “she wrote the dialogue for Danny and Laf’s animated short! And since she collaborated with them so well, maybe you two can work together on this!”

_Oh no, no, no, no. This is just, nope. Disaster. Error._

Carmilla’s brow shoots up, “You wrote that little skit with the elves?”

I nod, my damn cheeks warming up, again.

“Okay. Deal.” Carmilla sighs, clearly bored.

_Wait. What?_

“As long as this cupcake models for me.” Carmilla says evenly.

_I can feel my soul leave my body._

"Model with you." Perry corrects.

Carmilla shrugs. "I'm going for my break, then I'll talk to Lilita about it."

She turns to me with a fraction of a smile, "Meet you in the conference room in an hour." She heads out before I can reply.  
  
"I'll email you some extra tidbits to do, but from now on, working with Carmilla on this project is your main priority. All good?" Perry beams at me. 

 _I'_ _ve got to prove myself by closely working with her._

_I've got to somehow not get distracted._

_Even though, I've managed to make a fool of myself every time I'm around her._

_Absolutely not "good"_.   
  
"Yeah. All good." I say, through the grimace that I hope passes as a smile. 

-

I check the time and see that I have ten minutes left until my meeting with Carmilla. Twenty minutes ago, I decided to tag along with Danny, Laf and Kirsch to get coffee across the street.  
  
"Oooh. You're going to be alone with Carmilla Karnstein, in the conference room." LaFontaine winks.   
  
"Yeah I'm like 200% sure she's into girls." Kirsch gives me two thumbs up.  
  
"Uh. I don't know. She probably asked a bunch of other people too." Completely ignoring my friends' suggestiveness.   
  
"Vampirella doesn't ask for help, Laura. She's brilliant and she knows it. I’m actually quite surprised, she doesn't seem like the type to share glory." Danny points out.  
 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” _If I wasn’t super nervous already._

“I should probably head over there now. I’ll see you all later!” I give them all parting hugs and they wish me luck. _I will undoubtedly need it_.

-

I thought opting for coffee instead of my usual hot cocoa was a brilliant idea. I’ll be on top of my game. I’ll be alert and hopefully shoot out ideas instead of something embarrassing. With the help of caffeine, I can stay on task and I won’t have any time, at all, to think about the fact that I am alone with Carmilla in a conference room. With a door, that is closed. On a floor that is soon to be empty because people are already leaving to go home.

Now, I can’t stop fidgeting and readjusting myself in my seat. Carmilla is sitting opposite me, her eyes never leaving her laptop screen.

Her leather jacket hangs on the back of her chair, she’s wearing a fitted, dark military-green button up, sleeves rolled. Her dark hair, in soft curls is splayed across her shoulders.

We have been working in silence for the past fifteen minutes or so. She gave me a list of blogs to check out, even before I can suggest any ideas. She insisted that I look through them and note down the most notable aspects of the blogs’ Christmas material, just so we can stay clear of what “those lack wits” have come up with.

“If they aren’t any good, then why are you so worried that we’d end up doing something similar?” I manage to not stutter this time.

“Sometimes, we turn lazy without even realising. We conform too easily and subconsciously limit ourselves based on what others have done. To completely cross out ideas that have already been used, pushes a person’s creativity to step out and search for an alternative.” Carmilla’s voice so enticingly low that it would encourage me to agree on anything she’d say.

“I just think originality comes from being spontaneous, y’know? It’s best spurred on by not overthinking everything.” _If only I could listen to my own advice._

“Spontaneity is messy and unpredictable,” she challenges, staring at me with that curious look again.

“The best art often is.”

My breath catches in my throat because now she’s smiling. Not just another one of her trademark sardonic smirks, not just a hint of a smile, not a grimace, but a vulnerable and beautiful smile. She’s actually smiling.

_I made her smile._

_Why am I entirely too proud of this?_

I let out a breath I didn’t realise I was holding. She goes back to her screen, chewing on her bottom lip. I make myself look away, grabbing my pen to start jotting down ideas.

We work in silence after that, save for sharing some ideas every once in a while, but it’s comfortable and easy.

“Woah there, Creampuff. We’ve gone over time, twenty minutes over actually.” She says, eyebrow raised as she turns from her screen to look at me.

“I guess we did.” I get out of my seat and began to put things in my bag, only _just_ catching a glimpse of the light rosy colour on Carmilla’s cheeks.

_She’s just embarrassed because she didn’t keep track of time. She didn’t want to be unprofessional by making me stay longer. For someone as successful as her, this slight mistake is embarrassing and she’s blushing because she didn’t want to seem unorganised to an intern. That’s all._

Carmilla clears her throat, pulling me from my thoughts.

“So, we should probably get started on this thing. Are you free Wednesday night?”

“Yeah sure! What are we doing?”

“Well, I heard they put up a giant tree and all these Christmas lights down by the Lake. Do you like ice-skating?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It'sssss a holiday fic!  
> I have some worries because this AU is a few weeks delayed compared to "real time". A late holiday fic? Sorry!!! Rookie over here. I hope it doesn't bother y'all too much. 
> 
> Please leave me some comments, I'd love to know what you think :)


	3. The Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go ice-skating. It's fluffy as fuck with a lil somethingsomething before the fluff. (A first for me, so I hope it's okayyyy!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there’s a theme happening here… with each chapter longer than the one before. Kudos-worthy don’t ya think? ;) (This smol, writer gay is in need of constant validation.)
> 
> Alsoooo the text with the slashes (/) are lyrics to the song: ‘Fresh Eyes’ – Andy Grammer, which is being played out loud in the scene! When I first heard it, I just knew Hollstein had to ice-skate to it. Have a listen during the scene if you want :). 
> 
> I love getting comments, so leave some here!  
> Oh and Happy New Year!

LaFontaine insisted they drive me home after work on _the_ Wednesday. My apartment was only a few blocks away so they did not waste any time with the questions.

“I keep telling you, Hollis, it’s totally a date.” Laf turns to me with a shit-eating grin.

“It’s a Wednesday night. It is totally not a date.”

“Two people ice-skating together? When is that ever not a date?” Their eyes wide with emphasis.

“The setting is romantic, I get that, but it’s only romantic for the camera and for the photo series. Turn left here.” I point out, but they completely ignore me and purposely take the longer route home instead.

“Has she told you exactly what she’ll shoot? Who she’ll be taking photos of?” Laf’s smirk growing at each word.

_You’ve bumped into her a few times the last couple of days and you’ve made small talk, but she didn’t bring up what exactly is happening tonight, other than a quick reminder via email this morning._

“She…well…she doesn’t need to. I’m guessing she’ll be taking photos of the Christmas décor and people in Christmas sweaters skating and all. Y’know, the whole wintry holiday scene.” I point out, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“Then why does she need you there?” Laf actually turns into the right street this time, my apartment building coming into view. _Finally._

“Perry assigned me to work with Carmilla and Carmilla needs help because getting into the whole Christmas spirit isn’t really her thing.”

Laf rolls the car into my driveway and they turn to look at me as though I’m a puppy who just walked into a glass door. Clearly, there is amusement and pity.

“Thanks for the ride, but it could definitely have gone without the interrogation.” I climb out of the car and give them a smile anyway.

“Wear that ridiculous pompom beanie of yours. She was totally checking you out when you wore it last week!  For some unknown reason.” They squint, momentarily deep in thought before winking at me and speeding away.

-

I try to even my breathing as I look at the three pairs of pants, about three button ups and four sweaters chaotically thrown across my bed. My bedroom floor isn’t of any improvement; my Keds, Converse shoes and flats are scattered and there is a real tripping hazard happening in my room right now.

I have less than an hour before I have to meet Carmilla at SILAS. I have no idea what to wear. I haven’t gone ice-skating in years.

_Can people forget how to skate? No. You’re not allowed to think about that yet. Focus on what you’ll wear first. One dilemma at a time._

I spin around and dig through my wardrobe, stressing myself out even more by creating more and more mess. Finally, I grab some black fabric. _These jeans hold everything up in place. Yes._

_The only reason I have for dressing up nicer is because Carmilla may want to take a photo of me for the project. I’m not hoping or assuming she will, but just in case, y’know? A lot of people read SILAS._

 

Minutes whizz past and my hair is finally all presentable and straight (as I will never be). The minimal makeup I know how to apply is on and I’m wearing a dark blue sweater, black jeans and my pompom beanie.

I decide to ride my bicycle because I want to be there earlier than her, to settle my nerves. _These nerves. Nerves I shouldn’t really be having because I have nothing to worry about. This is nothing but a work thing. An afterhours work thing because I’m committed to this internship and SILAS is demanding and I need to show I can work overtime._

I’m cycling through the streets; the afternoon was chilly but tolerable. The sun should be starting to set pretty soon. I start pedalling my way through to our meeting point, at the SILAS carpark, which I’ve never been to because I usually walk or ride my bike.

I hop off my bike and chain it to the bike racks on the side of the building and make my way to the back, where the carpark is. A few people are still around but most have gone home. The tip of my nose may be cold but my hands are beginning to sweat.

_It’s so weird being here when it’s this empty and quiet._

I scan the carpark searching for Carmilla’s car, probably a black convertible or something. I assume she’d be driving because the Lake is 30 minutes away.

That’s when I spot Carmilla in her leather jacket, with a jet black helmet under her arm. I feel like at this moment, my eyes are capable of popping out. She’s leaning against a red and black motorcycle. _Of course, she rides a motorcycle._

_Of course._

I realised I’ve stopped walking towards her when she lifts her brow in question.

“Hey. Um.” I clear my throat and walk closer to her, eyeing her ride.

“SuperSport S. Ducati.” She shrugs back to her bike, beaming. “Something I saved up for, for quite a while. Of course my sister completely disapproves, which made me want to get it all the more.” She grins at me. _Oh wow. Okay wow, she is so gorg_ _–_ _how does she_ _–_ _Laura be cool be c_ _–_

“You have a sister?” I blurt out.

“Yeah, Mattie. She visits from time to time but she lives in the States. She drives a car. She’s a lawyer so, naturally, a Mercedes.” Carmilla snickers.

I can’t help but grin back, because of both her playfulness and her scrunching up her nose, which is easily the cutest thing I’ve seen all week. This is saying something because I recently found out about wombats and the countless clips of them lumbering around on YouTube.

Carmilla must have caught herself smiling back at me longer than necessary, because she quickly spins around to grab something on her bike. She sticks out her arm, offering me an identical, jet black helmet.

“Woah. We’re getting there, on _that?_ ” My eyes are wide as I stare down at what she’s offering me.

_Oh my Godric Gryffindor. I’m going to be riding on that thing. More importantly, I’m going to be riding on that thing while getting real up-close-and-personal with Carmilla._

“You catch on fast Lauronica Mars.” Her tone would otherwise be condescending if it wasn’t for her voice being slightly lower, slightly flirtier.

I tentatively take the helmet from her, my mouth opening and closing because I want to come up with an excuse but at the same time, I don't really want to.

“There’s nothing to be worried about, cupcake. It’s obviously your first time so I’ll go slow.” Her expression is impassive but I swear there’s a teasing glint in her eyes.

I feel my mouth go dry.

“How about we do a lap around the carpark and if you’re still uncomfortable with it, I’ll call an Uber.”

She puts on her helmet after I nod in agreement. Our helmets are open-faced, less restrictive. Her face shield is retracted so I see the shy smile on her face as she steps closer to me.

“Cute beanie, but I’m afraid we have to change up your attire for a bit.” She says quietly, her eyes moving from my own, to the top of my head. I take it off, hand it to her and self-consciously smooth down my now ruffled hair with my free hand.

She lifts the motorcycle seat, revealing a miniature compartment. Carmilla takes something out of it before placing my beanie inside and closing it shut again.

In her hands is a leather jacket, similar to the one she’s already wearing. Carmilla leans towards me slowly and her face is the closest it’s ever been to mine for a second. She gently drapes the jacket over my shoulders, before pulling away and taking the helmet from my hand.

I’m standing so still and I can feel my shoulder muscles tensing. _Relax, Hollis._

Carmilla may have pulled away but she’s still in my space. She’s looking down, adjusting the helmet and I note how dark her eyebrows and lashes are. _She’s so breathtaking this close._

Carmilla puts the helmet on me, my face shield already extended down. I hope the tinted glass hides the red in my cheeks, especially as I watch her swing her legs over the bike. I notice her thighs are slightly muscular when she climbs and settles onto the bike with ease, which I find very impressive. So impressive that I sense a familiar feeling in my lower abdomen.

She kicks off the supporting stand and turns on the bike’s engine. It rumbles and hums to life, it’s neither too loud nor annoying. The sound snaps me away from being so absorbed by the distraction that is Carmilla. I finally regain control of my arms and slide the jacket on properly.

“Hold onto my left shoulder and put your left foot on the foot peg behind mine. Hoist yourself up, right foot on the foot peg on the other side. Then hold onto me.” She gives me a reassuring smile before pulling down her face shield.

I do as instructed and carefully climb up. The seat slants up, the front (Carmilla’s) part of the seat being lower, so I find myself slightly elevated. The slant also means that gravity has my body right against hers. Even with our leather jackets on, the proximity and all the body contact is so dizzyingly intense that I feel like I’m overheating.

She grabs my arms and pulls it around her waist.

“You can’t be shy; you need to be safe.” She says sternly, her voice slightly muffled by the face shield. “When I turn, I’ll be leaning a bit so just lean with me okay?”

“Okay.” I barely have the word out before she twists the throttle a few times, revving up the bike, amplifying the vibrations that I’ve already been feeling _everywhere_ the moment I hopped on.

 

The bike takes off slowly, gradually increasing into an easy pace. The seat is higher than expected but the smooth ride puts my anxieties at bay, although I don’t dare loosen my grip on her.

Her hair cascades underneath the back of her helmet, the wind making it dance in front of me. The glass keeps her hair from hitting my face, but the helmet is open along my jaw, so it did nothing to prevent her scent from getting to me. It reminds me of the first time we met, with her hair in my face. Her scent is still definitely just as intoxicating.

When she leans to the left to turn, I lean with her, my arms a fraction tighter. The bike turns smoothly before being pulled upright again as she leans back. We ride back to where we started on the other side.

When she stills the bike, she stretches her legs out to support us. Carmilla flips up her face shield and turns to face me.

“What do you say? Up for it” Her eyes hopeful.

I grin at her, reaching out to pull her face shield back down, in reply. She chuckles before kicking off from the ground and once again, we’re off.

-

True to her word, Carmilla kept to the speed limit and took her turns carefully.

We did pick up speed once we got to the main road, though. It feels so incredibly thrilling, yet peaceful, to be moving at this speed and feel the open air rush over me. Even with Carmilla in front, the chilly wind still seeps into the leather and denim I’m wearing.   

From this perspective, even the familiar streets and shops appear differently to me. We cruise past neighbourhoods, shopping strips and finally, through outer suburbia. The trees lining up the road becoming taller, the houses more dispersed than before. We’re getting closer to the lake and it’s turning noticeably colder.

I spot the entrance of the main Park by the Lake. It’s a steep driveway down, so Carmilla slows. We reach the top of the hill and I smile at all the fairy lights that adorn the sign posts and the boom-gate at the bottom.

Carmilla grips the brake so the bike slowly rolls down, and suddenly all thoughts and appreciation for festive decorations are completely thrown out of the Laura-Hollis-window-of-reasoning.

With the bike rolling down, very slowly, there is now an impossible weight on my body that causes me to press into her. I thought I couldn't get any closer to her before, but this proves me completely wrong.

The inside of my thighs, now pushing up against her lower back, is on fire.

I try leaning my upper body away but all it does is put more pressure on my inner thighs, the feeling so overwhelming. The rumbling of the bike is definitely not helping. I try to quickly reposition myself by gripping her waist and pushing my body away from her, relying on my arms to hoist me up.

It works for an entire three seconds until we reach the bottom and she pulls on the brakes, causing us to stop abruptly. I end up sliding down again, my chest flush against her now rigid back, my head leaning on her shoulder. I shut my eyes as the momentum causes me to grind on her ass, with my face momentarily buried in her hair.

“Sorry about that.” Carmilla’s voice coming off breathy. “You okay?”

_Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god._

“Yeah, no, it’s fine, I’m fine.”

Without batting an eyelash, the person by the boom gates lets us through.

-

The frozen lake reflects the warm colours of the late afternoon sky, as little kids, teenagers and couples glide over it. The speakers are playing all kinds of Christmas music and a there are fairy lights everywhere. I eye the hot cocoa stand, adjacent to the potato twists truck.

The entire park looks spectacular and I’d normally be bouncing from section to section, but since the ‘downhill incident’, things between us now feel incredibly awkward.

_Ugh pretty sure this makes me the biggest perv ever._

She was trying to be all cool about it at first, but feeling so guilty, I haven’t been able to look at her in the eye or talk to her properly.

I mean, I struggle with that usually, but this time I feel like I’ve crossed a line.

We’ve been here for nearly half an hour and all we’ve accomplished are a few decent shots of the giant Christmas tree by the side of the Lake. Our lack of communication clearly making things unproductive.

I can tell Carmilla’s starting to get irritated.

I muster up some courage. “What about them?” I point towards an elderly couple on a bench, who are watching people skate.

“Hmm. Okay, but you’re asking for permission.”  She says curtly.

We start walking towards them but it was then and there that I decide to confront things and apologise.

_Alright that is it. Whatever weird, sad vibe happening here has to stop. It’s what a world-wise me would do. Yes. This internship is all about learning and I need to learn how to swallow up my pride and work through this._

I grab Carmilla’s arm, halting her, just as she’s about to get the couple’s attention.

With the usual eyebrow raised in question, I take a deep breath and start doing what I do best. Ramble utter nonsense.

“Okay so what happened back by the boom gates. That was awkward, I must admit. I’m sorry I was so fidgety, I was trying not to be so intrusive and all up in your…um personal space. You probably think I’m some kind of perv now but I promise I didn’t, y’know–do _that_ –intentionally. So, I’m really sorry. If you feel uncomfortable with me, that’s totally fine, I can stay at SILAS and we can just…um email? But please don’t tell Perry and please can we just focus on getting these photos because it’s so beautiful here tonight and–

“How you manage to speak so fast, without having to pause for air, is quite impressive.” Before I have time to be confused, Carmilla starts laughing the most amazing, melodic laugh.

_I’ve heard funny and contagious laughter, scary laughs, annoying laughs and evil laughs. But never have I heard anything like hers before. Is this what they write about in those dumb songs?_

I must be staring because she's stopped laughing, instead looking at me with that gentle look of hers. Those dark, brown eyes holding everything still.

"Cupcake, you didn't do anything wrong. I thought it was me. Sorry I didn't pick up on it sooner."

"Oh."

"Let's get this done. I want to get on the ice soon." She smiles.

 

We turn to the couple, I explain Carmilla's project and they happily oblige.

They introduce themselves as George and Ella. The way they giggle while they pose for the photos is such a mood changer. All the awkwardness that hung in the air before has completely disappeared after the first two shots.

We make small talk with them and it's the easy-going kind. George beams and tells us that they've been married for forty years. Their children with kids of their own, so they can have date nights all the time now.

"Well, as nice as it is to meet and talk to you dears, shouldn't you make your way to the skates’ booth now? That beautiful sunset will be gone soon." Ella points out.

"I'll go get them. What size are you?" Carmilla turns to me.

"Small."

Carmilla starts walking when Ella quickly adds, "Oh and at this hour, they do this thing where they play some nice romantic music. It's all quite lovely, you lovebirds will have the best time skating."

Carmilla freezes and seems to be choking on the awkward laugh that’s trying to escape her.

"Um we're not-

Carmilla clears her throat. "I -uh..." She starts walking backwards, facing us, gesturing with thumb behind her.

I feel my cheeks warm up.

 

It seems as though I could only finish my sentence once Carmilla has made her way to the booth.

"We're just friends! I mean we work together. Work friends." I'm nodding rather enthusiastically.

"Could have fooled us" George smiles, his crinkly eyes reminding me of my Dad.

"The way you two are so nervous around each other remind me so much of when George and I first started dating." Ella gives me an amused look.

"Even as work friends," Ella air quotes the word 'friends', "I can tell she's rather fond of you. She laughs at nearly everything you do and say."

George adds, "I'm sure your sense of humour is well and charming my dear, but a girl's adoration for you is what really gets them. Way more effective than any of the best jokes out there. Trust me, I've had my share of experience." He winks at his wife.

"It was really nice meeting you. Thanks for letting us take your photos." My words professional, but my impulsivity soon took over because I'm suddenly bear-hugging them.

I wish them a lovely night before walking to Carmilla, who's now holding two pairs of skates.

"I thought they stole you away from me for good."

I stick my tongue out at her before grabbing my pair of skates.

-

By the time we got on the Lake, most of the kid-skaters have been called over by their parents to go home. Ella was also right about the overhead music change. From upbeat holiday tunes to now mellow and slow music.

_Seems like today is just full of mortifying yet amazing experiences. This is so conflicting._

Carmilla doesn’t seem to notice the change in the mood or the fact that the majority of the skaters left are couples or that there is an alarming amount of handholding present.

She just seems so at ease and happy. She has a white polaroid camera, its strap hanging around her neck. Her dark leather jacket makes such a peculiar contrast to the ice.

I took off my borrowed leather jacket earlier, and my beanie is back on my head, fulfilling that stereotypical ice-skater look. Which is probably the only reason why Carmilla starts taking polaroids of me.

The first time she does it, I was caught off-guard.

“Hey!”

“Trust me, sweetheart. You’re gunna want to Instagram the hell out of that polaroid. The lighting was perfect and you were standing right where the ice was reflecting the sunset colours so well. Such a pretty view, I had to take it.” She shrugs.

“Oh…cool beans.” An idea hits me and before I could overthink about how random it is, I poke at her ribs and skate away. “Tag! Race you to the Christmas tree.”

We’re scrambling across the ice, neither of us especially great at skating, so we earn some looks from the couples we’ve just interrupted. An upbeat guitar starts playing through the speakers just as Carmilla manages to catch up to me.

 

I got these fresh eyes/ never seen you before like this/ my God, you’re beautiful/

 

She reaches out to take a hold of my right elbow, trying to slow me down. Which only half-works because I start laughing, which slows me down but then now she’s laughing too and we end up skating in circles.

 

So suddenly I'm in love with a stranger/ I can't believe she's mine/

 

She steadies me a bit and lets go of my arms. As I start feeling a bit disappointed, she picks up her polaroid and snaps another one of me.

"You're wasting your film! My eyes were probably closed." I huff.

"I need photos. That's what we're here for right?" Her words say this is strictly professional, but the playful smirk on her face tells me otherwise.

"Perry said you need to be in the photos." I grab the polaroid camera from her.

 

Appreciation, well, it comes and it goes/ but I, I'll ride that wave with you/

 

At first she covers her face with her hand, but I pull it away and without thinking, interlace my fingers with hers.

 

It's human nature to miss what's under your nose / 'til you remind a fool /

 

She tilts her head slightly, scrunching up her nose a bit. She looks so terribly adorable that I take the photo and not a beat later. 

 

'Cause you're gorgeous in this moment/ if I could bottle this up I would/

 

I take my beanie off and put it on her before taking another.

"This beanie is absolutely ridiculous."

I feign an offended expression, which has her laughing again.

I click on the polaroid again.

 

And now all I see is you with fresh eyes/ fresh eyes/

 

For the rest of that evening, I didn’t think about what I was feeling and what it would mean. I was far too busy enjoying her company. Far too busy noticing how she kept my beanie on the entire time. The way the last light of that late afternoon, kissed her cheeks.

We end up using all of Carmilla’s polaroid film.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave me some comments :)


	4. Now what?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes Carmilla's POV! (Third person limited)  
> When it switches back to first person, you'll know we're back to Laura's POV.
> 
> PS. If you think the previous chapter was fluffy...WELL buckle the fuck up creampuff ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't forgotten nor abandoned this fic! I'm sorry this is super late! Festivities+ I had trouble writing this chapter because I didn't want it to be much of a holiday fic (as I had originally planned) anymore. All fixed now though, so the next chapters will be set in January/closer to real time.
> 
> Feel free to point out any errors! I feel like I'm always stuffing up my tenses and I'm the only one who proofreads this fic.

I’ve been in such a weird mood all morning, so I’m sticking with just cycling for this gym session. I push my legs and concentrate. Or, at least try to.

Who am I kidding. I can’t stop thinking about her.

I barely got any sleep last night, my brain decided it was time to conjure up all these different, unrealistic situations. Of course, all ending with _someone’s_ arms around me…with maybe…some kissing involved. Okay, maybe more than just kissing, especially just as I was getting sleepy.

Of course I’d internally yell at myself for even going there, but that does nothing except snap me awake again. It was a ruthless cycle.

-

I can’t believe it’s already two days before Christmas. The extra “tidbits” Perry assigned to me, were slightly more time consuming than I thought. It means less time helping Carmilla out with her project, but after how well the Lake photos turned out, she seems more enthusiastic about the whole thing and didn’t seem to need much help.

Perry’s assignments, on the other hand, had me working with almost everyone, in all different sections of SILAS. Things were getting pretty chaotic and it felt like an ‘all hands on deck’ kind of thing. Although, everyone ended up submitting everything in by their deadline.

I’m glad to be getting so much experience, but it was a lot in such short weeks that it felt a lot like _professional whiplash_? I’m getting better at it though, keeping busy and on the move.

Every once in a while, when my errands involve Carmilla or when we make eye-contact across the office, it gets me thinking about skating and polaroids all over again. 

_I am obviously very attracted to her but what the hell am I supposed to do about it?_

I’ve asked girls out before, I know how to flirt, the basic what not to do’s.

_I mean there’s a 40% chance that she’s interested. Maybe even 50%, we were practically slow dancing on ice while the sun set. Okay, I guess I do have a chance. Plus, although she’s a co-worker, she’s not my boss or anything and I know a bunch of people here are openly dating each other._

_Wait. Dating? Hold up. It’s just a crush. Slow down Hollis._

 

-

Carmilla’s staring at her phone screen, watching the typing bubble appear and reappear. She’s just updated Mattie about her night, about work, and about Laura.

She doesn’t know how she’ll react.

Despite the time zone difference, Mattie is always the first person to know about any girl Carmilla became involved with. Although, it’s been a while since anyone has caught Carmilla’s attention.

“There are about a dozen accomplished women Lilita has approved of for you, yet you choose an intern that works for her instead. Always quite the rule breaker, kitty cat.” Mattie’s voice still with its air of elegance even over the phone.

“Well, it’s not something I’m doing on purpose. Meeting Laura’s the last thing I expected. Actually, no. The last thing I expected is…is how…um I have to go, Sis, I have a meeting in five. I’ll call you back soon.” Carmilla’s murmuring at this point.

“Don’t you dare hang up on me until you’ve explained yourself.”

“I don’t know, Mattie. I don’t get it. I barely know her, but the more I do...I—ugh. I promise I’ll let you know once I figure things out.” Carmilla rambles, doing everything she can to avoid the word ‘feelings’.

“I’m happy for you and this seems exciting, but be careful. You know how _she_ is. I mean, you have to work with Laura, that’s fine. But keep her out of Lilita’s radar.” Mattie points out.

“Will do.”

“But…there _is_ something to figure out, right?” Carmilla can imagine Mattie waggling her eyebrows.

“Oh, there’s definitely something.” Carmilla thinks about how stupid butterflies bombard her insides every time she sees Laura across the office, how easily she gets distracted when they work together. _It’s a definite something and I am in serious trouble._

-

I take a deep breath and look over my outfit. It’s Christmas Eve and SILAS is hosting a staff party to celebrate the successful launch of the Christmas issue. I’ve been looking forward to tonight for days because, finally, we all get to catch up and unwind.

I’ve told the gang about ice-skating, but apparently (according to both Kirsch and Laf) not in enough detail. We haven’t had the chance to really talk about the past couple of weeks, with the rush and everything.  So, I guess they’ll make me recount it all tonight.

[New Text Message from Dad]

           Merry Christmas Eve :) Enjoy ur work party tonight but don’t 4get you’re having dinner with me tomrw night! Oh & uncle ray is pushing back Camp Hollis a week later, he said he’s going to have a lot of international tourists and press coming the first week. But it’s definitely still on!

Love u and stay safe!

 

 

The largest room at SILAS, basically an entire floor, was decked with tinsel, several bauble ornaments and an impressive amount of fairy lights. The live band was playing an upbeat tune but everyone can still hear each other talk.

The food is amazing and the champagne, overflowing. It’s such a great vibe in general and everyone excitedly chats away with one other.

Of course, Kirsch and Laf has me spilling out all the details about Carmilla. I was stuttering and slightly uncomfortable during the interrogation but it felt nice telling them about that evening. I was still super relieved when the subject changed, though.

In the midst of sipping champagne, laughing, gobbling down finger food, and telling stories about how our Christmas content was received by our audience, Danny points out, “Laura, three o’clock. A serious case of heart eyes coming your way.”    

I look to my right and see Carmilla quickly looking away, focusing back to the conversation the small group, she’s with, is having.

“I definitely saw that Laura.” Perry giggles. _This is so weird. Now even Perry is also in-the-know, thanks to LaF._

“You need to go over there, little hottie.”

Laf seconds Kirsch by nudging me out of the circle and giving me a mischievous, yet reassuring smile.

I tip back my champagne before setting it down on the drinks table as I walk towards Carmilla. She seems to be engrossed by whatever this guy was saying but she turns to me, grinning, just as I was about to reach her.

“Hey.” She smirks.

“Hey.”

Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail, her eyeliner darker than usual. She’s wearing a dark grey sweater with those leather pants. I suddenly feel self-conscious with my snowflake patterned top and light blue cardigan.

“Your friends banish you or something?” Carmilla’s eyes crinkling.

“Oh. That. Yeah, no.” _So, she was paying attention._ “I just wanted to hang out with you.”

Her grin widens even more before taking my hand in her own.

“There’s a cool place I’ve been meaning to show you.” She tugs on my arm and leads me across the room. I look back to my friends, letting out a chuckle after seeing about three eyebrow raises and two pairs of thumbs ups.

Carmilla doesn’t notice and leads me into the elevators. In a second, we’re suddenly all alone and it’s much quieter.

I notice the button she’s pressed.

“The roof? You planning on throwing me off or something?”

“Tempting, but no. I go up there sometimes, for a few minutes of peace and quiet during y’know the tough days. The view is pretty good.” She shrugs and stares at the floor. I can tell she hasn’t shared this with anyone else before.

“I’ve never seen it at night. I bet it’s a better view. So yeah, dragging you along.” She finally turns to look at me.

We’re smiling at each other and I’m willing myself to keep my gaze level with hers.

_Don’t look at her lips. Don’t look at her lips._

The elevator dings and the doors slide open. Saved by the bell.

It’s chilly outside but the cold is surprisingly not as bad as expected. Even if it is, I barely notice because the city lights captures my attention immediately.

I walk ahead of Carmilla, stopping near the edge. The view is absolutely spectacular. I expected a view of boxy buildings, but instead I find myself gawking at a beautiful constellation of lights and reflections.

I’ve never seen the city like this before.

I sense Carmilla beside me. It’s quiet for a bit, both of us comfortably taking in the view in silence. We stay like that for a while until she takes a deep breath.

Her voice soft, close to a whisper, “We used to stay at this farmhouse when we were younger. Mattie and I used to sneak out at night to hang out with the kids from that town. We’d climb out of the window and down this tree near her window. One night though, it was just so clear out, there were no clouds at all. One look at the country night sky and I suddenly didn’t want to go anymore. The stars had me stay put on that tree branch. I told Mattie to go ahead without me and I sat there stargazing until the sun came up.”

“Carm.” There is a stupid smile on my face right now but I could not care less.

It wasn’t until Carmilla turns her face towards me that her dreamlike expression is replaced by that gentle smile of hers.

She takes a step towards me. She’s in my space again. This time, though, I don’t feel nervous.

 “People always say that the city lights have got nothing on a night sky in the country, but I’m not one to compare. I mean, look how spectacular that is!” She turns towards the view again, gesturing with her arm.

“It’s a different kind of beauty.” I whisper. “But beautiful nevertheless.”

She’s smiling at the lights and I’m staring at the way she glows.

“Exactly. All I know is that it gives me the same comfort I felt then.”

She looks back to me. I don’t bother hiding the wonder I’m feeling right now. She leans in closer.

“Or maybe it’s you.” The way her dark eyes look at me in this moment is something I’m committing to memory, as well as what’s about to happen.

A warm hand closes around my left wrist, another lightly grazes my jaw and she’s pulling me in.

Her lips are cool from the night air and her skin is softer than I imagined. She kisses me slowly at first, but breathing her in makes me want more of her. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer. She sighs, deepening the kiss.

Her skin is so incredibly smooth and her scent makes me feel feelings that are electric. Tasting her lips and brushing my tongue against hers makes me feel like i'm being scorched from the inside out.

_My underwear? Probably ruined now._

Our breathing starts to pick up, but before my hands could roam, a familiar ding by the elevators has us abruptly stepping away from each other.

Kirsch and SJ stumble out, holding hands and giggling. They freeze when they see us.

Carmilla grabs my hand, dragging me across and back into the elevator. No one says anything or makes any eye contact.

-

Laura presses the level 4 button, back to the party.

The elevator feels a lot smaller and a lot warmer than they remember.

“Cupcake…I’m sorry I…that was…is that okay? I mean yeah for me it was. Okay it was a lot okay, more than just okay for me but I’m just worried that you feel uncomfortable now and if you’re not cool with it that’s cool–wait no! What I mean is that I completely understand if you don’t want to bring it up and we can pretend—

As much as Laura enjoys witnessing Carmilla nervously ramble nonsense like a teenager confessing feelings for the first time, “Carm, hold up. It's okay.” She bites her lip to keep from giggling.

They reach level 4 and the doors open. Laura steps out.

“It was more than just okay for me too. We should hang out some more, next time.” Laura spins around and heads back to her group of friends

Carmilla had to shake her head and push open the closing elevator doors before walking out of the elevator herself.

-

_We should hang out some more next time??? How lame can you get? She probably doesn’t even remember what you said before you went to the rooftop, so the witty thing you think you did doesn’t work out._

_It also sounds super suggestive. Carmilla probably thinks you’re into casual sex now._

_Nothing wrong with a lady who likes it casual, like I’m all about expressing sexuality unabashedly and people enjoying hook-ups, but I have a lot of feelings._

_Strong feelings._

_And the last thing I need is for Carm to think that all I want is light and casual. I mean I’m not saying call up the U-Haul trucks, but I really hope I’m more to her than just a potential one-time thing._

_She hasn’t said anything about the kiss. It’s been three days since Christmas Eve. I mean, we haven’t had much time to talk about anything except for work, but still._

_Do I bring it up?_

_She did seem worried that I regret the kiss._

“Girl. If they made a sport called aggressive photocopying, you would win all the medals.”

I come back from my thoughts in time to catch myself slamming another piece of paper onto the scanner. I turn around at Danny’s voice to find her nervously laughing, waiting for her turn with the printer.

-

Carmilla invited LaFontaine to help out with the photo-booth shots. It was their idea after all. Carmilla was at refreshments, making sure to take longer than necessary in case a certain hot-cocoa-enthusiast decided to come along.

However, it was Laf who ended up making small talk with Carmilla.

"How's the project?" They offer up a genuine smile. Out of all Laura's friends, Laf seemed the most tolerable to Carmilla. They’re talented and has a great sense of humour.

"I actually found a Christmas sweater to wear that clearly expresses my attitude towards the holidays. So, not too bad."

"Nice." Laf grins. “But, it’s the 27th."

“The aftermath.” Carmilla sighs.

“Didn’t realise there was one,” chuckling as they shake their head. “How’s Laura?”

Carmilla accidentally stirs her black coffee a bit too ardently, some of it spilling out of her mug. "Shit." She grabs some napkins. "I don't know. Why would I? Aren't you her friend?"

"I am. But you're the one working with her?" Laf doesn't even try to hide the amused expression on their face.

"Um yeah. Promising intern. She's hardworking. Great ideas." Carmilla nods, just about ready to head back to her desk.

"She told me you guys went ice-skating? Frosh couldn't stop gushing about it. But now she seems super busy and stressed. I haven't had the chance to ask her what's up."

Carmilla suddenly decides against heading back to her desk.

"Yeah, we still have to do the New Year’s part of the series– wait, she was gushing about the ice-skating trip?"

"Yeah. She said it was really sweet and creative of you. The place capturing the merriment and all that."

For Carmilla, this brings to mind the handholding, Laura's laughter, Laura skating around her while snapping polaroids. How her own hair smelled like Laura after wearing her beanie.

"Have you guys tried the photo booth thing?" Laf butts in, disrupting the way Carmilla is staring blankly into the wall, just before she can think about that kiss again.

-

 "I can't believe we missed the most classic of ideas!" Laura chuckles while she sets up the red curtains. Carmilla adjusts the camera as she stands in front. She can't help but stare as Laura reaches up and attempts to smooth out the curtains. Laura's button up shirt, stretches across her toned shoulders.

Before Carmilla can appreciate the sliver of smooth skin, now exposed as Laura's shirt lifts up a bit, Lafontaine comes in holding a box of decorations.

"Laf?"

"I told you it's Laf's idea. So, I invited them to join us." Carmilla smiles. She thought she’d regret the idea, because she wouldn't have Laura to herself, but the way Laura is smiling appreciatively at Carmilla proves that this is, in fact, a brilliant idea.

They soon got started with LaF assigning Carmilla props. Tinsel scarves, party trumpets, and a glittery top hat. Laura is in charge of throwing confetti and balloons around Carmilla as the camera, on self-timer, clicks away.

It was awkward at first because Carmilla couldn't help but feel a bit self-conscious. Then, Laura and LaF started to yell out silly nonsensical things, which ended up with Carmilla bursting out into laughter.

It wasn’t long until her posture finally relaxes and she was genuinely having fun, not just for the camera.

They were about to call it a night when LaF suggests that Laura should jump in the booth with Carmilla.

“Laura, your back can be to the camera while you face Carmilla. We just need to see Carmilla with a lady.” Laf turns from Laura to Carmilla, “I mean, you wanted people to know that you’re a lesbian right?”

“LaFontaine!” Laura’s eyes wide.

“It’s okay. They’re absolutely right. I think it would be good. I mean, growing up, I always found it reassuring when people in media, or any public figure I admired, were open about their sexuality. It would be so great if I could do the same for those who enjoy my photos.”

“Also, it might ward off all the unwanted attention you get from men.” LaF chuckles.

Laura’s looking back and forth between Carmilla and LaF.

Carmilla rolls her eyes, “Ugh. Tell me about it. Some people just can’t grasp what I mean when I say: Please leave me alone I’m lesbianing. Rainbows everywhere. I’m gay as fuck.” She says monotonously.

Lilita had always instructed Carmilla to keep her swearing at a minimum. Especially in professional settings. But hanging out with Laf and Laura makes her feel so carefree. They weren’t just colleagues anymore.

“If it’s fine with you, Laura.”

“It’s perfectly fine.” Laura steps forward into the makeshift photo booth.

Carmilla readjusts the camera. Zooming in a bit closer, angling the camera. Laf drapes the red and silver tinsels across Laura’s shoulder.

Carmilla steps in front of the camera again, taking a step closer to Laura who looks back at her tentatively. “Um…so do I just stand here?”

“Hold onto the tinsel Carmilla!” Laf pipes up.

Carmilla places one hand on Laura’s waist, the other reaches out to tug on the tinsel.

_-flash-_

“Is this okay?” Carmilla smiles at the blush on Laura’s cheeks, which intensifies because the question reminds her of their kiss again.

“Yeah.” Laura squeaks out.

- _flash-_

Without overthinking it, Carmilla reaches out and tangles her fingers in Laura’s hair, making eye contact for a second before she turns to face the camera, extending her other arm in front of them, as if to block an intrusive photographer.

- _flash-_

“Impressive. Who said Carmilla Karnstein couldn’t model?” Laf teases.

They shoot a few more, but pack up the equipment soon after. As much as Laf enjoys teasing their friends, they were beginning to feel like a third wheel.

 

-

Laf seemed like they were in a hurry to get home. Once we took down and organised the equipment, I find myself alone with Carmilla again.

I decided to leave my bike at home earlier and opted for a morning walk to work. Of course, after telling Carmilla this when she asked how I was getting home, she insisted that she drops me off.

She only brought a helmet for herself but is making me wear it anyway.

“The driver always gets the final choice. I’m driving and I say the passenger wears the helmet. Besides, you live like two blocks away. I’ll be fine.”

It’s a much faster ride and soon enough, we’re outside my apartment and I’m climbing out of her bike.

I take the helmet off but don’t hand it to her yet, stalling time. “Thanks again, Carm.”

I can’t help but feel a little disappointed. Even though we’ve already spent hours together finishing up the last of the photos for her project. I still want to spend some more time with her.

So, I’m not entirely surprised when I blurt out, “I couldn’t sleep last night so I went on this baking rampage. From lasagne to brownies and cookies. Since you haven’t eaten and I have a lot of food, do you want to come inside and have dinner with me?”

What does surprise me is Carmilla blushing, “Yeah. I’d love to.”

She turns off the engine and I make my way up the stairs to the front door. Mental alarms are going off in my head as I _seriously hope_ the place isn’t as messy as I remember, while simultaneously pinching myself because Carmilla Karnstein is about to set foot in my apartment to have dinner with me.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos and bookmarks! I love all your comments and more feedback would be gladly appreciated!  
> On here or tumblr (@negovanlisthough) - I'm currently obsessing over One Day at A Time and SANVERS.  
> Prompts are welcome :)


	5. A definite Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OoOOohSHIThollsteinbangs  
> (do I change the rating to Explicit??)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sooo sorry! I've been working at my part-time nearly every day. Saving up before Uni starts again. So I haven't had the time and energy to write. Also, the Carmilla fandom is asleep and it's been pretty chill so I'm struggling with inspiration :( Don't worry though! I'm still continuing this fic! 
> 
> PS. FIRST TIME WRITING SMUT IDK IF I'M HAPPY WITH IT :( LEMME GROW AND IMPROVE ;) lmao

_For some reason, something as easy as heating up lasagne becomes so much more complicated when a girl you really want to kiss is sitting in your kitchen, probably watching you stumble around._

The apartment isn’t too bad. It’s not great and impressive, but I was expecting worse. I haven’t really had the chance to ‘occupy’ my apartment the last few weeks because of work. My place was sort of just a place to eat dinner, shower, sleep and it’s back to SILAS I go. So, although it’s not trashed, the apartment isn’t super fascinating either.

_Does she think I’m boring now? Ugh I knew I should’ve started on those Harry Potter-themed mason jars last week._

Once again, overthinking gets the best of me because I didn’t notice Carmilla get up from the dining table to stand next to me. I’m caught slightly off-guard.

“Cupcake, need some help?” She raises her brow at how flustered I probably look right now. “You don’t need to stress over this. It’s a last minute thing so I understand, but I know the food will be great anyway.”

Sometimes it’s hard to understand how this stranger, who scowled at me after knocking me to the ground not so long ago, is now this thoughtful and gentle person. But I’m certainly not complaining.

“I promise to make it up to you. Next time you want to come over.”

She tilts her head in question.

“I mean like eat at mine.”

She smirks.

“Come over for dinner. Like you are. Right now.” I close my eyes, hoping to lessen the magnitude of this disaster.

She shrugs, chuckling as she helps me set the table.

-

“Seriously though, you made this pasta from scratch?” Carmilla’s eyes were wide and she’s genuinely very amazed.

“Yeah, it was something my Mom and I used to do together. We’d boop each other’s noses with the flour. She said I was very patient.”

“Ahdor-hable.” Doubts about my cooking are all gone. Seeing Carmilla struggle with her words because of a mouthful of pasta might as well have been a Gordon Ramsey-seal of approval.

Finally remembering the usefulness of chewing, she turns to me with a smug expression, “Laura Hollis. Dough-master.”

I roll my eyes.

“You’ve got a little…”

She leans forward the table, extending her arm out. Using her thumb, she wipes the corner of my mouth, slightly brushing against my lower lip.

“There.”

I didn’t want it to turn into a moment of me staring longingly at her, which would mean I’d have to ask her about that kiss and spill my guts out.

“So, favourite TV shows?” I pipe up, trying not to think about how Carmilla just sucked the sauce from her thumb.

“I haven’t had much time to watch any shows lately actually. I’m boring.” She sighs, before flashing a smile.

_Anything but boring._

“You?”

“Dr Who, Buffy, Veronica Mars, Supergirl. It’s a long list.”

The conversation continues on to be pretty casual. Jokes here and there. But the later it got, the more we wanted to distract ourselves from the fact that neither of us wanted the night to end. So, I asked her about photography.

“I feel like I owe a lot to photography.” She pauses and slowly meets my eyes.

“My parents died when I was really young. A distant aunt took me in, she adopted me and Mattie the same year so Mattie is pretty much–no she _is_ my sister.” She furrows her brows.

Carmilla’s tone is so reverent that I couldn’t form any reply, so I reach out and hold her hand. She looks down and smiles at her hand in mine.

“I only remember as much of my parents because of this one photo album they put together. They took a lot of photos with me as a baby. So, yeah, the memories I couldn’t retain as an infant are preserved by photography. Which explains why I’m obsessed with capturing it all you know? For safekeeping.”

There’s a wistfulness to her smile. Her eyes staring off into another time.

“What were your parents like?” I whisper. I’m now finding myself circling the top of her hand with my thumb.

“There were all these photos, my dad holding me for the first time in that hospital room, family picnics, days Mom would put me in these little dresses that matched hers. I got to see who our family friends were. I moved away to live with my aunt. I’m grateful for my aunt, but if it wasn’t for Mattie, I’d prefer to have been adopted by our family friends back in my parents’ hometown. They still write to me, even now. Amazing people.”

My wall clock chimes and we both turn to look up at it.

"Oh shit. I totally overstayed. You must be exhausted. I should probably get going."

I really want to say that it’s no trouble and that she could stay a bit longer, but I couldn't say that without implying she stay the night.

She’s hovering, but then she takes my silence as an awkward confirmation that I agree with her, so she makes her way towards the door, smiling at me, “Dinner was fantastic. Company even more so."

_Do something._

"Carm, wait."

I grab her arm and pull her towards me. Leaning in, I kiss her cheek, near the corner of lips, where her smirk usually appears.

Slowly, I lean back to see her with half lidded eyes.

"Or stay?" I whisper.

Her eyes dart all around my face before she pushes forward, crashing her lips into mine.

Her warm hands snaking around my waist, pulling me against her. Even over my shirt, I feel like I'm burning up from her fingertips massaging patterns on my lower back.

She kisses me harder, and I kiss back just as desperately. We're both breathing a lot heavier soon enough. This feels so different from our first kiss, it was hesitant then, gentle.

This is hungry, this is saying _I want you_ , this is saying I've been waiting for this.

My pulse is racing and it feels like a heavy bass is playing out loud in the apartment. Except there is no music playing. The only sound I hear and the only sound that matters to me is Carmilla's whimper, when I trace her lower lip with my tongue. The sound driving me crazy.

My right hand is still holding onto her arm, my left hand now entangled in her dark hair.

She steps forward and pushes me back. I keep walking backwards, trusting her to guide us. Our kisses are short and abrupt as we stumble back to the living room.

I'm way too focused on her lips, her eyes in that dreamlike state and the way she feels against me that I'm caught off-guard when my she grabs my ass, hoisting me on top of the back of the sofa.

Her hands stay where they are and she steps in between my legs. Kissing me again, but much more slowly this time. She takes her time progressively kissing me deeper and deeper, each second of it is sweet torture and I can't help but cant my hips up against her. Even through the layers, the feeling of her against my center is so sublime.

She immediately squeezes at my waist, pulling back from our hungry kisses to look at me.

“Laura—”

I lean in and kiss her again. I can’t get enough of the taste of her, of her soft lips. I gently take her bottom lip between my teeth and pull it. She groans in response, working me up even more.

She pushes away from the kiss again, her eyes closed. “Laura, I can’t. You’re driving me crazy. I need a minute or I’m going to lose control.”

“You don’t want to?”

Her eyes open at the way my voice cracks.

“I–I don’t want to pressure you…into anything.” Her brows furrow and dark, brown eyes lock with mine.

“Carm. I want you.” I can’t keep the happy, stupid grin off my face.

She leans in again and kisses me deeply. This time, slowly. I revel at the feeling of her lips melding with mine, at the way her tongue flicks over my lips.

Carmilla lifts me off from the couch, so I wrap my legs around her waist. Easily, she picks me up before making her way towards the bedroom. She pushes my hips into her and I wrap my legs around tighter, putting delicious pressure where I’m craving for it the most.

We break our kiss to collapse on the bed. She pushes up, standing over me, before lifting her shirt and taking it off. Seeing the smooth skin of her stomach, her collarbones, her dark hair splayed over her pale skin, in contrast to the black bra she’s wearing.

_I’m not going to last very long._

Without breaking eye contact, she unbuttons her jeans and steps out of them. In nothing except her underwear, she crawls up the bed and straddles me.

Her voice low and sultry, “Unfair,” as she hooks her fingers into the waistband of my jeans.

Before I could take my clothes off, she kisses me again, her tongue pushing into my mouth as she unbuttons my pants.

I shiver at the way her tongue pushes in and out of my mouth, as Carmilla pushes my jeans down with my underwear. The feeling of her hands on my bare legs is incredible and I’m already getting more and more wet by the second.

In no time, I’m completely bare in from of Carmilla, who is now staring all over me. Her eyes impossibly darker. She keeps her eyes on me as she strips out of her underwear.

I’ve never seen anyone look so vulnerable, yet powerful. From the way her hips curve, freckles adorn her skin, dark hair falling past her jawline, running down over her shoulders and breasts.

_I want every bit of her._

I push her on her back, straddling her, earning a whimper. The feeling of her skin against mine, with no barriers anymore, has my head spinning.

Carmilla cranes her neck and kisses me, slipping her thigh in between my legs. I grind down slowly, my grip on her arms tightening because it’s feeling so good, giving me relief but at the same time making me crave more.

“Baby you’re so wet.” She sighs through gritted teeth. One hand palms my breasts, massaging each one; while her other hand slides around my lower back, palming my ass and pushing down, as I grind on her again.

_And again, and again, and again._

The only sounds in the room being the moans that escape me and of my bed creaking. I hardly notice, because the way Carmilla is staring up at me in awe and want is leaving me just as breathless as the orgasm that is currently building up.

“Carm!” I gasp.

She pushes against me and I’m suddenly flat on my back. The loss of contact amplifying the pulsating I feel at my center.

She holds onto the underside of my right knee, spreading my legs apart. She’s in-between my legs, on her knees. With her fingers caressing my waist, she pushes her center towards mine, adding that delicious pressure again, before leaning in to kiss me.

“You sure you want this?” She breathes into my neck. Her fingers tracing patterns on my thighs, drawing closer and closer towards the middle.

“Carm. I want you. Please.”

I feel her shudder on top of me. Her fingers tracing the way towards me. When she finally touches me, her breathing becomes more ragged. Her fingers gentle at first, forming patterns, exploring me.

“More.” I don’t recognise my own voice. Her fingers has my head spinning, it feels so good and my whole body is throbbing for more.

Her lips find my throat and she sucks hard, before easing into me.

“You feel so good, ugh.” She starts thrusting, firmly pushing in and out, while sucking and licking all over my throat.

She adds another finger and pushes in deeper, this time not pulling out, but repeatedly grinding her hand into me. The feeling of her knuckles on my folds has me yelling out curses and garbled versions of her name. I’m feeling everything all at once, intense pleasure and warmth.

My muscles begin tightening, Carmilla takes this as her cue to curve her fingers and rut even harder. I feel my eyes roll back and it’s all so overwhelming, but warm arms bring me back. Her lips caressing mine brings me back.

 

Now I want her to feel good, feel intensely. I want her to say filthy words, nonsense, or my name again and again.

So I kiss her fervidly, before trailing down her body with wet kisses. I nudge her nipple with the tip of my nose before taking it into my mouth, sucking gently.

I look up at her, she's craning her head down, watching me as I keep on sucking.

"Oh fuck, Laura, fuck." 

 I pay equal attention to her other nipple, not missing the fact that I'm feeling her wetness pressing into my stomach. Her nipples are stiff now, her breasts so smooth and soft I could keep kissing for hours.

I take my time pecking across her ribs, her stomach tenses.

By the time I reach her hips, she spreads her legs for me, fingers tangling into my hair. Her scent is driving me crazy, so I lean in almost immediately, flattening my tongue against her folds. 

Licking from her entrance and up towards her clit. I knew she would taste amazing but, this is something else. I can’t get enough.

She is so incredibly wet. I look up to see that she's arched her back, pressing herself into my mouth, the back of her head digging into my pillow.

I make my ministrations more deliberate, both my hands grip on her thighs, pushing her down. The sounds she's been making is turning me on all over again.

I feel her go rigid and she's pushing my head impossibly closer. "Hnghh. Laura please, I'm so close."

I swipe her clit with my tongue twice before pushing a finger into her. I bite my lower lip at her tightness. I pump into her in time with my tongue's movements.

“Fuck. Laura. Yessss–fuck.”

 My jaw is starting to get sore but I'm entirely too lost in the way she tastes and gives and gives.

Her thighs tighten around my head and she digs her nails around my neck, I add another finger and suck her clit, as she rides her orgasm.

 

Seeing her come undone underneath me, is a moment I'm saving to memory. From the way her dark hair sticks to her neck with sweat, how her abdomen tenses, the outline of her abs appearing as she breathes heavily. 

I adjust and lie down next to her. She turns to face me, her arm sliding around my waist.

"I guess this means you'll stay?"

She smirks, her eyes are still dilated but there's a softness to them now, "I'll stay right here."

 

I nuzzle my face into her neck, our arms and legs wrap around each other. Where she began and I ended, it didn't matter anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and suggestions and corrections and kudos pleaaaase :) x


	6. Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In celebration of Natasha taking home Fan's Choice, here's an update! I am sO PROUD of her and Elise and the lil show that could (´▽`ʃƪ)♡

_Oh-my-David-Tennant, she's in my bed, she's in my bed, she's in my bed and she's naked and she looks so beautiful and her hair still looks so perfect and so soft._

Carmilla's arms are still wrapped around me so I try to regulate my breathing, hoping I don't wake her up just yet. I'm not used to being this warm in the morning. I'm not used to being this awake so early in the morning, but if it means waking up next to her, it's something I can get used to.

 

A few blocks away, a loud siren goes off. Carmilla's eyelashes flutter and she scrunches up her nose. She groans before nuzzling closer to me.

I chuckle because this reminds me of that one grumpy cat on YouTube that takes fifty naps every day or something.

"Wussohfunny, cupcake?" Barely audible, into the crook of my neck, Carmilla's morning voice has me feeling feels.

I mean if her skin flush against my bare skin wasn't enough.

"Nothing, cutie." I emphasise the nickname.

She pinches me on both sides of my waist, which of course has me giggling.

"I really need to shower and brush my teeth. You get twenty minutes of extra nap time before it's your turn to get ready. We're going out to get breakfast." I say before kissing her forehead and sliding out from under her.

"No!" She reaches out to me but with her eyes still closed, she misses.

\-------

I'm busy scouring through emails by the time Carmilla finishes her shower. I look up just as she walks out of the bathroom, in my faded grey, Newt Scamander t-shirt, paired with her ripped jeans.

She makes magizoology look very sexy and rock-and-roll-related. What catches me most off-guard, though, isn't the confusingly attractive aesthetic, but the feeling of pride and giddiness that's hitting me right now because she's wearing my shirt. After using my shower, in my apartment, after sleeping over at my bed.

"What?" She smiles, almost self-consciously.

I chuckle, shaking my head, "Nothing. C'mon, breakfast awaits!"

\----

 

Carmilla thought it would change things for Laura. She had a nagging fear these past few weeks that once she spends her first night with Laura, there would be awkwardness or some form of regret—Laura, regretting her. Carmilla knew she would never regret Laura.

This morning pretty much obliterated those anxieties. She's wearing Laura's shirt. The scent of Laura's soap and shampoo on her. Laura's hand in hers as they're walking to get breakfast.

Carmilla was never a breakfast person. Hell, she wasn't even a 'before noon' person on most days. But if it means spending more time with Laura, it's something she can get used to.

 

 

Of course, Laura chooses The Pancake Parlour. 

The place only had a few other customers, so it gave them privacy, their booth in the corner of the establishment.

"So." Laura's cheeks turn a light pink and she fidgets her hands on the table between them.

_Okay. The talk is happening. Stay calm. It can't go to wrong so suddenly. Don't overthink. She just wants to talk. Don't freak her out._

Laura's eyes are trying to find something in Carmilla's. She senses her discomfort and holds her hand, tracing patterns on Carmilla's wrist with the other. 

"What's wrong?"

Carmilla stutters. She wants to be honest with Laura but she's unsure of what to even say. 

"I don't want to scare you off." Carmilla begins, still unable to look her in the eye.

"It would take a lot. A lot of huge things, before I'd even come close to doubting what I think about you." Laura emphasises. 

Her openness surprises Carmilla. It's only fair that she tells her the truth.

"My aunt…who took me in, well...she’s SILAS' CEO." Carmilla flinches at how formal she sounded. Why couldn't she be open with Laura without all the stress?

_It's because you don't want to stuff this up._

Laura blinks a couple of times before her eyes widen. 

"Oh."

Carmilla’s nervousness is replaced by an odd numbness. She can’t seem to read Laura’s reaction.

-

“And? What else did she say? _Oh_ what?" LaFontaine quizzes Carmilla over Paella.

Laf had been invited to have lunch with Carmilla, their advice was needed after the awkward breakfast incident.  Carmilla also needed to process a lot before her meeting with Lilita in an hour.

"The pancakes came at that point and she took two mouthfuls before saying anything else. She asked me if it should matter. If it was against the rules to keep seeing each other."

Lafontaine starts laughing, much to Carmilla's annoyance.

"Then what are you so worried about? She seems more worried that it's a deal breaker for you more than anything."

At this, Carmilla stops stabbing the chorizo pieces on her plate. "Wait. No, she seemed really unsure and uncomfortable though."

"Obviously! By you telling her that, she might overthink your little disclaimer and see it as you—

"She thinks _I_ don't want to be with her." Carmilla butts in.

"There you go!"

-

 Carmilla used to anticipate what Lilita would want to talk to her about. Just before these occasional check-ups, she would think about her responses, how she would act, where in the room she would sit, whether she should be curt and polite or bright and bubbly.

This time around she was entirely too caught up with how she should approach Laura, how to explain herself and what she was worried about.

So, it came as a surprise, like that awful free-fall feeling, when she was called into Lilita's office.

They exchange formalities and make the obligatory small talk.

“Who’s the pretty little head in your New Year photos, may I ask?”

_Okay, small talk is over._

“She’s a co-worker.” It pains Carmilla. She doesn’t even know if ‘friend’ sufficed anymore.

“You’re lying. She’s not even a co-worker. She’s only an intern.”

Carmilla feels a sudden need to defend Laura. To shield her away from her Aunt.

“You have to pay close attention to detail if you want to succeed in any business.” Lilita smirks, tilting her head. It seems unrelated but Carmilla picks up on what Lilita is trying to say. As an artist, Carmilla knows all about detail. _Thank you very much._

“Anyway. I heard Ell left Paris just a few days ago. She’s coming to town for business, but I’m sure she has days to spare for you to show her the nicer parts of town.” Her tone light, chirpy and unnervingly out of character.

This shift in topics isn’t coincidental. Carmilla knows exactly what she’s suggesting.

“I’ll see if I can. I have this thing coming up so I’ll be pretty busy too. At this resort place. It’s a chance for me to show-off what I can do with photography for tourism. It can open up a lot of opportunities for me and I’d love to travel more this year.”

“I guess worldly experience is always good.” Lilita smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

-

 **7:25pm / Carm** : You busy tonight?

 

 **7:34pm / Laura** : She speaks! *Texts

 

 **7:34pm / Carm** : Cupcake, I’m really sorry. Let me make it up to you tonight? I’ll bring takeout and the entire third season of Broad City.

 

 **7:35pm / Laura** : Don’t take too long :P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me comments! :)
> 
> I actually have a lot of ideas for the chapters ahead so expect another update in a week. (I'm now held accountable LMAO)


	7. Let's start Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF !!!!!!!!

She’s apologising. Well, she did shut me out during breakfast.

Maybe I was acting weird too. Although I don’t think I stepped over any lines. I didn’t overreact from the news or anything. Right now, I feel like crap and I’d do anything to fix whatever weird vibe is hanging heavy over Carm and I, but I’m also quite annoyed because she was being unreasonable.

I was busy gulfing down pancakes during our breakfast together, which was probably why there was a lot of awkward silence, but I did try to get her to talk to me. To vent out her feelings and thoughts about all of this.

What did I get?

Nothing but curt replies and vague rambling, she didn’t even look me in the eye for the most part.

Just before we got back to our separate apartments, I didn’t even get a kiss goodbye but a half-assed hug instead. It sure felt a lot like getting dumped. Even though there wasn’t an actual relationship to begin with.

My phone buzzes:

 **9:00pm  /  Carm:** Hey cupcake. I'm outside.

 _Okay Hollis. The only way is through._  
  
I try to smile, hopefully with more cheer and less grimace as I open the door.

There she stands, holding a bag of Chinese food, her laptop bag on her shoulder. In her ripped jeans. In her _Badlands_ t-shirt. Her hair, still so beautifully mussed up.

"Hey." She makes eye contact for a second, before staring at the floor, a shy smile hesitant on her lips.

"Hey." I breathe out, which I didn't notice I was holding in. "Umm. Come in."

Carmilla doesn’t know what to do with herself. She’s fidgeting with her bag strap and looking around the apartment. I take the food from her and set it on the kitchen counter.

It looked like she was about to say something, but then she sets her bag down and takes three steps forward.

Right up to me.

Her hand tucks my hair behind my ear. She holds the side of my face and leans in slowly.  
She pauses, her eyes searching. I lean in closer to give her the go-ahead.  
  
So she leans in, but our lips don't touch yet. Her nose bumps against mine. I have a feeling her eyes are closed. Mine are barely open. I don't know how long we stand like that, foreheads together, our breathing turning in sync.  
  
"I'm sorry." The way her voice sounds so small, and insecure and quiet, has me wrapping my arms around her waist.  
"I'm sorry. I know you said it doesn't change your mind about me but I got scared and it got me overthinking and I didn't know what to do. So, I stayed away. I was scared I was going to make it worse."

I close my eyes.

"It's okay, Carm. Really, and I'm sorry too. I was just surprised and a little intimidated by y'know, what you told me. So, I may have acted weird too but really, I’m okay as long as you are.”

Her lips press into mine. Careful, but sure and all my fears about any of this are demolished. Feeling her this close to me, my fingers running through her hair, I’m left wondering why people describe it like ‘falling’. Instead, I feel invincible. I feel this energy when I’m with her.

When we pull away, I’m glad to see that she’s just as affected by our kiss as I am.

"What d'you say we get started on the food?" She chuckles.

"I can't believe we're about to devour all of this, this late."

"I'm not making you eat all of it, cupcake." She shakes her head, grinning.

"I know, but we can't let all this good food go to waste."

"Is this why your fridge is always empty? You're against the concept of leftovers?" 

"Okay, judge all you want, but I’m going to start eating because it's actually ridiculous how good this smells."

We end up finishing the food faster than expected; continuing our banter into the early hours of the morning, which was barely notice.

Glasses of wine and many episodes later, after agreeing that we're not as bloated as we were just a few hours ago and it was safe to go to sleep, we're snug in bed with Carmilla in my arms. She's opted for no pants and is wearing my oversized shirt over her underwear. The feeling of our bare legs entwined is becoming a favourite of mine.

"I caught up with Lilita today." She mumbles into my neck.

Anxious thoughts bombard me. I hold her closer, my fingers run along her back.

"What did you talk about? What do you usually talk to her about?"

"The usual talk. She asked me about my future gigs, gave me her opinions about my past projects. She congratulated me on the holiday shoots." 

"That's great!" Carmilla doesn't talk a lot about her aunt, but from what I can tell, their relationship remained formal. 

"Laura. Um...she asked about you. Y'know from the New Year’s photoshoot."

"What did you say?" Surprisingly, my voice sounds nonchalant, the opposite of what I feel.

"I really want to be honest with you, okay?" She shifts up to look me in the eye. "So, please tell me if anything bothers you and we should, you know, talk it through."

I can't help but kiss her cheek. "Okay."

"Well, she asked me who you are and I wanted to keep you out of her radar—it was Mattie’s advice—so I told her that you’re a co-worker. Then she called me out for keeping details from her because for some reason she knows you’re an intern.”

Her eyes search for any panic in mine.

“It’s not like interns haven’t had relationships with people at SILAS before. Not that I’m implying y’know um…anyway…” I’m surprised I’m able to see Carmilla blush even in the dimly lit room.

“I wouldn’t have gotten close to you if I knew it would affect your shot at landing a job in SILAS. Laura, that’s worst-case scenario I promise. I’m just letting you know. Oh, and if anyone gives you any crap for being with—I mean…”

“For being in _this_ , with you.” I correct.

Carmilla’s initial stunned look morphs into a beautiful grin.

“Yeah. Well, please let me know.

"Carm. I was planning on going back to University to do further study and…maybe teach a few classes? SILAS was amazing but I think I'm just going to teach and freelance for a while, so you really don't need to stress out about this."

Carmilla looks extremely relieved, her hand over her chest, exhaling.

“Okay, now for the second thing.”

“There’s a second thing? Aww Carm, I appreciate this, really. I love how open we’re becoming with each other but my eyelids are getting all droopy now. Tomorrow morning?” I mumble.

Carmilla nudges the side of my face, leaving kisses on my neck and then across my cheek. Our lips graze. A simple _goodnight_ , not an invitation for anything more but, still, I can’t help but sigh from it anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are awesome :)  
> (Smut next chapter?)


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